Do You Believe in Voodoo? Blog Tour - Part II

Today I am back with more of Sourcebooks Fire's "Do You Believe in Voodoo?" blog tour for Jeff Strand's A Bad Day for Voodoo. If you missed Part I, you can check out the guest post from Tyler, the book's main character, right here. For Part II, I have the pleasure of having a guest post from Jeff Strand himself telling us what are some moments in his life he wishes he could do over.

In A Bad Day For Voodoo, the narrator, Tyler Churchill rewinds a scene in the book to feature a more dramatic alternate version.  Find out the top three moments Jeff would rewind and create and alternate version for in his life.

1. My birth.  Aside from the whole "miracle of birth" thing, there was nothing really dramatic about it. I mean, yeah, my mom thought it hurt and I was crying and somebody was going "Push! Push!" but for this moment to really have dramatic impact I should have come out singing "Born This Way" by Lady Gaga. Then doctors would have been screaming "This child is unnatural! Destroy it! Destroy it!" but my dad would have stopped them from squishing me between the defibrillator paddles. After fleeing the hospital, my parents would have tried to get me to sing so they could make millions from the miracle singing baby, but I would've been like the frog in the cartoon and ONLY sang when there were no other witnesses around. Ha!

2. That one time in high school when I broke my arm. Here is how I broke my arm: I was playing soccer, and I ran at this guy who had the ball, and we collided, and I hit the ground. Crunch. The thing is, soccer is primarily known as a sport you play with your feet. I mean, they even call it football in other countries. So when you tell people that you broke your arm playing soccer, they're all like "Huh? What? How do you break your arm playing soccer?" It's embarrassing. If I could rewind, I could have broken my arm in a sport where you actually use your arms, like bowling.

3. Writing this guest blog entry. I'm writing this on my back porch. My cat is asleep. None of my opponents have made a move in Words With Friends for the past half hour. Yaaawwwwwn. If I could rewind, one of my opponents would have played a really lame word, like IT, but then I'd use their "I" and play QUIZ, where Q was on a Triple Letter Score and Z was on a Triple Word Score, so I'd get 129 points and even if they had the J and the X they'd never beat me! Ooooh, such glorious drama!

A Bad Day for Voodoo sounds like a hilarious read if it is anything like this guest post from author Jeff Strand. Be sure to check out the book and keep following the blog tour!

Do You Believe in Voodoo? Blog Tour

Today I have Part I of Sourcebooks Fire's "Do You Believe in Voodoo?" blog tour for Jeff Strand's A Bad Day for Voodoo. Keep reading for a guest post from Tyler Churchill, the book's main character, which tells you what could happen if you don't read the book. Enjoy!

I'm Tyler Churchill. Not too long ago I had this insane adventure, with car chases and body parts coming off and everything, which I wrote about in the book A Bad Day For Voodoo. It's not my job to say that it's the best book ever written, but I will say that if you don't read it, the following conversation will definitely take place:

[You're walking down the sidewalk, whistling the merry tune of your choice. Up ahead you see a friend.]

YOU: Hi, friend!

YOUR FRIEND: Hi, you! Crazy party last night, huh? I've never seen anybody eat that many pretzels without getting a drink of water!

YOU: And who brought the rhinoceros? I kept thinking "Whoa, somebody is gonna get tusked!" but nobody did, which is good because it would have been funny at the moment of impact, but not so funny once we got into the screaming and bleeding and ambulances.

YOUR FRIEND: Were you there for the ritual?

YOU: What ritual?

YOUR FRIEND: You'll find out. [His or her expression darkens, and he/she gives you a wicked smile.] Oh, yes, you'll find out.

YOU: Seriously, what ritual? There was a ritual? Where was I?

YOUR FRIEND: When the time is right, all will be revealed.

YOU: C'mon, tell me what the ritual was! You can't just throw something like that out into the conversation and then not give answers! Tell me! I need resolution! Resolution!

YOUR FRIEND: I was just kidding. We were all sitting around playing Words With Friends on our phones. Somebody played "rhinoceros" on a triple-word score, which was pretty ironic. Actually, I played "rhino" first and they added "ceros." So what did you think of A Bad Day For Voodoo?

YOU: That new book? I didn't read it.

[Several onlookers gasp.]

YOUR FRIEND: Excuse me?

YOU: I said I haven't read it.

YOUR FRIEND: You...you...you haven't read A Bad Day For Voodoo?

YOU: No. That's okay, isn't it?

YOUR FRIEND: Okay? Okay? Don't you understand what this means? It means that you're not cool!

YOU: But that's not possible! I do cool things all the time!

YOUR FRIEND: It doesn't matter! This is the book that will define our generation! If you're ever on a game show and the host says "For twenty thousand dollars, please give us the definition of your generation," you could hold up A Bad Day For Voodoo and win the twenty thousand dollars!

YOU: But...but...but...but...but...but...but...I thought it was just a silly book!

[Your friend shakes his or her head and sighs.]

YOUR FRIEND: No. It is not.

SOME GUY WHO ALSO HAPPENS TO BE IN THE AREA AND IS EAVESDROPPING ON THE CONVERSATION: You really haven't read A Bad Day For Voodoo? Wow. I heard that those people existed, but I never thought I'd see one outside of a zoo.

YOU: You don't have to be a jerk about it.

YOUR FRIEND: Yes, he does.

YOU: Oh.

YOUR FRIEND: I never knew you were so uncool. It's like our whole friendship was a lie.

YOU: You're making too big of a deal out of this.

YOUR FRIEND: Do you see all of those weird-looking colorful waves that are coming out of people's eyes?

YOU: Ack! Yes! What are those?

YOUR FRIEND: Those are waves of judgment. Everybody is judging you. This will follow you around for the rest of your life.

YOU: No! I don't believe you!

[You get hit by a car.]

YOU: Ow! Ow!

YOUR FRIEND: That's what happens when you don't read A Bad Day For Voodoo. Bad luck follows you everywhere. Watch out for that circular saw blade.

YOU [quickly ducking]: Aaah! That circular saw blade almost took my head off!

YOUR FRIEND: And you'll need your head to read A Bad Day For Voodoo! Do you understand now?

[A monkey jumps out of a tree and starts punching you in the neck.]

YOU: I understand! I understand!

YOUR FRIEND: Your coolness meter is running out quickly, but there is still time to replenish it! Run to a bookstore or an internet and buy A Bad Day For Voodoo! Hurry, before it's too--

[The earth begins to crumble around your feet.]

YOUR FRIEND: Oh no! It's too late! The world needed your coolness! It's the only thing that kept us from being all dystopian and stuff!

[Zombies--fast or slow, your choice--show up and start eating people.]

PEOPLE CURRENTLY BEING EATEN [in unison]: Nooooooo!

YOU: What have I done? What have I--

[Suddenly you wake up screaming.]

YOU: It was all a dream! Only a terrible, terrible dream! In fact, the book A Bad Day For Voodoo doesn't even really exist!

SOMEBODY (YOU'RE NOT SURE WHO): Yes, it does. It's just not out yet. But it will be in June 2012. And you'd better buy it, or the next time you wake up screaming, Effie Trinket will be drawing your name for tribute.

YOU: Then I shall mark my calendar, or better yet, pre-order a copy of A Bad Day For Voodoo right now!

See? You may think I made all of that up, but I assure you that my only concern is for the safety of the world. And even if you don't care about the world, you should read about the time that my history teacher Mr. Click falsely accused me of cheating on a test, and my friend Adam got a voodoo doll of him, and I jabbed it with a pin during class, and things went wrong, wrong, wrong! 

Come back later in the month for more about A Bad Day for Voodoo including a review and more special content!